


Spirits in the Material World

by Leah Adezio Archivist (offpanel_archivist)



Series: Changing Tides [4]
Category: Teen Titans (Comics)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1996-07-04
Updated: 1996-07-04
Packaged: 2017-11-18 19:57:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/564691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/offpanel_archivist/pseuds/Leah%20Adezio%20Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The <b>Changing Tides</b> series. Het, Tempest/OC.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spirits in the Material World

**Author's Note:**

> This story is archived on behalf of Leah Adezio, who passed away in 2007, by her designated archivist.
> 
> Special thanks to Carmen Williams, for scanning and reformatting this fic from ancient hard copy.

CHANGING TIDES

_Spirits in the Material World_

by Leah Adezio

 

 _(As always, continuity is my own.  This story takes place between the events_ of Pebble in the Water _and_ Boundless Bounty, Part One. _Any and all typos, screwups and general ooops-es are the responsibility of the author.)_

 

Chapter One- Tokens of Affection

 

            "What a mess."

            Garth stood on the once pristine shore that rimmed the Persian Gulf, hands folded across his chest.  He turned to the men standing next to him. Except for their white headcoverings, they looked like most landsmen he'd had the experience of knowing. This pair was dressed nearly identically in khaki shorts and shirts.

            One of the men turned to his companion. {What did he say?}

            The interpreter's mouth turned into a rueful bit of a smile. {He said it was a mess.}

            {True. Too true.}  The man turned to Garth as he spoke. {Aqualad, we are grateful for the help of your government for their assistance in cleaning up this disaster.  We have been doing our best, but even with our oil specialists, the spill caused by the Iraqis has been beyond the control of the Kuwait government to handle.}

            Garth waited quietly for the interpreter to translate the Kuwaiti Oil Minister's words. The way they interacted with each other, sometimes the only way he knew they were talking to _him_ was because his name didn't translate well into Arabic, so they would use the English version instead. As he listened, he studied the technicians and scientists brought from Poseidonis as they walked up and down the length of beach, trying to determine the most efficient way to clear the dumped oil from the water and sand. "We're glad to be of assistance, Mr. al-Assan," he replied, using a level tone that if he'd thought about it, would have realized that it was a fine imitation of Vulko's. "After all, what happened here would affect us too, if the damage was left unchecked."  He looked at the dead sea birds whose corpses still lay strewn on the sand. Garth shook his head.  "Such a waste of life."

            Again, the interpreter translated his words into Arabic.  alAssan nodded in sad agreement. {Yes, most tragic.  You know, I am most surprised that you Atlanteans did not retaliate against Hussein when he began this deliberate carnage.  You certainly would have been justified.}

            "We wanted to see what was going to happen before involving ourselves," Garth said after receiving the translation. "Many of my people wanted to attack right away, but it was not truly our conflict."  In spite of himself, his mind began to wander to the calendar and he found himself smiling.  Pleasant thoughts began to fill his head.  Today of all days, he hadn't wanted to be hanging out in the Mid-East, but duty was duty.  But that didn't necessarily mean that he had to supervise the entire operation. His instructions had been to provide an official presence and ease the Kuwaitis' concerns -- and he'd done just that. When he had arrived in Kuwait, the Minister had been tense and apprehensive. Now, they were treating him like a long-lost brother or something.

            He again surveyed the scientists at work. "Gentlemen, I'm going to check the progress of the clean-up teams, then I must take my leave.  But I will be back in several days.  Any questions you have can be directed to R'Torin."  He gestured to a woman with a long brunette braid trailing down her back. "She is the head of the clean-up teams."

            More translation.  al-Assan smiled in agreement.  {You must leave? Perhaps, you have business to attend to with the } -- he recalled the name for the group -- {Titans?} There was a hint of anxiety there. They weren't used to women being in charge of things outside of their own homes.

            Garth smiled.  al-Assan had used the English word instead of translating _Titans_ into Arabic, but he waited for the full translation. "No, not Titans business. I have some personal affairs to take care of."  His smile was broad as he spoke.  "And I have to make a stop in London before I can return home."

            The Kuwaitis smiled at the expression on the young man's face. That look was universal. The interpreter turned to al-Assan. {Would you care to wager that a young lady is involved with his reasons for departing?}

            {With the grin he is sporting on his face?}  al-Assan laughed.  {My friend, that would be a most unfair wager, would you not agree?} He gave the young Atlantean a most knowing look before turning back to his companion.  {It is written all over his face.}

            Garth watched the interaction of the two men.  He didn't understand a word they said, but from their expressions and the way they were looking at him, he had the distinct feeling that they were having a little bit of sport with him. _I didn't realize I was that transparent,_ he thought.

            He strode towards the water.  "I'll see you in a few days, gentlemen."  Garth picked his way through small puddles of crude that shifted along the surface of the gulf waters, angling down towards the technicians.  He waved to catch R'Torin's expression. "R'Torin, I'm heading out for a few days.  Make sure the Kuwaitis have all the assistance they need. I think I have them reassured that your competence extends beyond the ability to bear strong male children, so they'll listen to you."

            R'Torin laughed and waved back in acknowledgment. "Where will you be if we need to get a hold of you?"

            "I'll be back in Poseidonis by tonight," Garth called back, "but try not to call unless it's an emergency, okay? I want to try to grab a day or two without any interruptions."

            "We'll do our best," R'Torin smiled.

            Finding a relatively clean spot, Garth dove into the warm gulf waters. *Good,* he called to her. *I'm counting on you.*

 

***

 

            "...I find Vulko's contributions to the evolution of scientific theory fascinating, from a historical viewpoint.  Don't you?" Bevin looked over from his desk in the office that he shared with Alianne. His comments were greeted with silence.  She was staring at her computer screen, but from the glazed look in her eyes, he could tell that her mind was elsewhere. He eased his lanky frame out of the chair and leaned over her desk. "Hey, Ali.  Come back to the real world, huh?"

            Alianne blinked at the hand being waved in front of her face. "Oh...Bev."  She glanced up at her friend.  "I'm sorry.  Were you saying something?"

            The grin he initially wore faded as he noted the forlorn expression she wore. "Nothing important," he said. "What's with you, anyway? I thought birthdays were supposed to be happy." He gestured to an array of greetings tacked to the wall beside her desk and a small assortment of gifts that sat next to her computer. "What's the matter?  Didn't you like what I gave you?"

            She picked up the gift in question, a small carved box designed to hold trinkets.  The box turned over absently in her hands. "I love it, Bev.  Really.  It's very pretty."  Alianne sighed. "It's just that birthdays have been kind of strange for me the past couple of years, you know?"

            "Because of your father?"

            Alianne nodded sadly.  Two years prior, her father had passed away ten days before her nineteenth birthday and no matter what friends and family did, that still managed to cast heavy shadows over what should have been a happy day. Even now, at twenty-one, it was no easier to cope with.

            Bevin slid his chair over to sit by her. He put his arm around her shoulders. "I wish I knew what to do to help you out, kiddo."

            Alianne leaned into her friend's comforting embrace.  "I thought it would get better with time," she commented softly. "Papa always knew how to tum my birthday into an event. They were always wonderful and I miss that. I keep thinking that I'm grown up now, and I shouldn't, but I do. I miss his surprises...and I still miss him very, very much. I feel disappointed, somehow and I can't help it. And on top of all that, my emerald is missing."

            "Emerald?"

            "A ring that Papa gave me when I turned ten."  Tears began to fill her eyes. "I've always worn it. He said be picked it out for me because of the way it matched my eyes. I only took it off at night and I always kept it in the box it came in so I wouldn't misplace it. But now..."she sighed mournfully, "It's been missing nearly a week. I've looked everywhere and I can't find it.  It's gone. The one thing that I have left that reminds me most of my father is gone."

            Bevin squeezed her shoulder.  "It'll turn up, Ali. I'm sure it will."  He looked at her desktop chrono. "Hey, it's just about lunchtime. What do you say we take off for a while? I'd like to take you to lunch, okay?"

            Alianne offered Bevin a hint of a smile at the attempt to make her feel better. "Sure. I think I'd like that."

            They left their shared office together and made their way out of the Archives. She turned towards Bevin. "By the way, thanks for the gift. I really do like it, you know. And when my ring is found, I'm going to keep it there."

            "That's the spirit," Bevin replied. He thought for a moment. "So, what else did you get?"

            "Is that all you think of?"Alianne asked, laughing. "You're turning into quite a materialistic little boy, aren't you?"

            "I like the finer things in life.  My budget, however, doesn't...unlike some people I know," Bevin replied, his familiar grin firmly in place. "So, tell, tell. What all did you get?"

            "Well, my mother got me this incredibly outrageous outfit that's so garish I don't think I'd be caught dead wearing it, Michla gave me a lovely bracelet and Oldine, bless his heart, told me I could take tomorrow off."

            "Hmmm, there's one gift-giver that you haven't mentioned, m'dear. What'd Garth give you?" As soon as the question was asked, Bevin immediately wished he hadn't. Alianne's expression dropped into sadness again.

            "Nothing...yet," she added hastily. "He's been away for days. Bev, I don't know if he even _remembered_ that today's my birthday. He didn't say anything about making it back in time before he went wandering off to the Middle East. What if he forgot?"

            "Come on, Ali, I bet he didn't forget your birthday. If he can make it back today, he will. If not," Bevin grinned, "I bet he'll make it up to you when he returns. So, cheer up already, willya? It's not every day you tum twenty-one. This is a major event."

            The expression on her face didn't even come close to being cheerful, despite Bevin's efforts to make it so. "Yeah. Real major. Then how come I feel so rotten?"

            Bevin had no answer to that one.

 

***

 

            At Poseidonis' London Embassy, Garth approached the waiting attache. "Is my package ready?"

            The attache handed him two small boxes. "They were even ready ahead of schedule."  She watched as Garth opened one of the boxes. "I trust that it meets with your approval?"

            A smile played across his features as he examined the contents. "It's perfect. Exactly to my specifications."  He closed the box. "She's going to love it. I hope!"

            "She will. She'd be crazy not to."  At Garth's questioning look, the attache added, "I took the liberty of looking at it when the messenger brought it over. It's lovely."  She pointed to the other box in Garth's band.  "And that's the original you sent.  The messenger said they had no trouble using it for sizing."

            "Good," Garth replied. "Then it should be just right."  He smiled again at the attache.  "Oh, I need to use a comm terminal, if it's not too much of an inconvenience. I want to send a message home before I leave."

            "Certainly. If you'll follow me..."  The young woman led him to a side room and opened the door. "Right in there."

            "Thank you. You don't need to hang around and wait for me. I'll be leaving just as soon as I'm done," Garth told her. "And thanks again for helping me out with this."  He lifted the boxes up for emphasis.

            The attache smiled in return. "It was my pleasure. Anytime you need anything, just let us know."  She turned and retreated down the marble-floored hallway.

            Garth entered the room where the communications terminal waited. Lifting his hands to the keyboard, he began to slowly type.

 

***

 

_Well, another day, and nothing accomplished._

            Alianne set her portable computer down on the sofa. _At least I'll have time to get some work done tonight._ She sighed at the thought. _It's not like I've got anything better to do._

            By this time, she was mired deep in self-pity, most of it justified. She had taken time to visit her father's grave on her way home from work.  She sat before Gavor's bust, eyes closed, conjuring up images from birthdays past. Her mind selected the image of Gavor coming into her room, as he had done every birthday, singing a traditional Poseidonian birthing day song. No matter how old or big she had become, he'd come in, swoop her up in a hug and sing:

 

            The gods swam wild the day of your birth,

            For they knew they saw a child of mirth.

            So rise, small one, come dance and sing

            Give thanks to the gods for the gifts they bring.

 

            Cherished girl, you bring joy to all,

            To your sweet charms, those around you fall.

            So rise, my sweet, be not forlorn

_The gods have blessed the day you were born._

 

            There were at least ten more verses to the song.  Gavor didn't always serenade her with them, but Alianne knew that he knew them all, even the variations for boys.

_Oh, Papa. I need someone to sing me that song again._

            She trudged toward the kitchen to see what there was to eat. As she passed it she noticed that the 'incoming' light on the information unit was blinking. Half-heartedly, she hit the 'display' pad and let the messages scroll by.

            There were several.  She read the one from her mother, again wishing her a happy birthday. One was from Bevin, telling her to cheer up.  Alianne wondered when he had found the time during the course of the afternoon to send it. A brief message from the leathermaster told her that the boots she had ordered were ready and could be picked up anytime. And the last message...? Her eyes brightened as that one scrolled up on the screen and waited for her to read it. She read it twice, her heart leaping each time.

 

_I'm on my way home. Had to make a brief detour._ _If_ _there's no traffic,_ _I_ _should be arriving around dinnertime. Get dressed_ _up. I've got big plans. Happy birthday. I love you._

 

            The message wasn't signed, but Alianne didn't need a signature to know who sent it.  Through it all, one thought dominated over all the others. _He remembered!_ She spun around happily at the thought as she could feel her dark mood lifting from her spirit. She re-read the message one more time.

            "Dinnertime!  Oh, no!" She practically torpedoed into her bedroom, shedding her work clothes as she went. "He'll be here any minute. Gods, I'll never be ready in time!"

            Frantic fingers sifted through her wardrobe. _Get dressed_ _up, he said, but he didn't say how formal to get._ Several dresses shifted past her view _.  The green gown? Too formal...the white_ _one? Too frilly....the new one from Mother? Blech! Not in this lifetime!...hmmm...._ A recently purchased black and white dress hung waiting. Alianne lifted it out of the wardrobe and studied it carefully. It had an asymmetrical hemline -- knee-length in the front, floor-length in the back -- with a straight, strapless bodice with shimmering white edging all around. She smiled. _Perfect. Not too fancy, but appropriate...and I haven't had a chance to wear it yet, so I know Garth hasn't seen me in it..._

            She took a pair of lightweight soled leggings from a drawer. They were shimmering white and had been purchased specifically to go with the dress. They gave the illusion of not wearing any footcoverings.

Within minutes, Alianne stood before her mirror, brushing her long auburn curls, the new dress clinging to her body in all the right places. _Hmmph. There's no way you could tease me about_ _taking forever to get ready to go out, my love. Not tonight. Hee_ _hee. You'd be surprised how fast_ _I_ _can get myself together, given_ _half the chance..._ She was flicking the brush through her bangs when she heard the front door open. Immediately, she tossed the brush aside and made a mad dash for the door.

            Garth opened the door, knowing it would be unlocked. Alianne wasn't in the living room. He set his packages down on a small table that sat next to the door. "Ali?" he called.

            He barely saw the streak of black and red that flew at him -- or at least, that's how it seemed to him. "Garth!" Alianne cried happily. "You made it back!" She barreled straight into his arms, rocking him back on his heels. Steadying himself, he tightened his arms around her.

            "I _said_ I'd be back," he remarked dryly. She had practically wrapped herself around his body -- an action about which Garth had absolutely no complaints whatsoever.  "Well, well...if this is the kind of welcome I'm going to get from you, I'll have to make it a point to go away more often."

            "Don't you dare," she said, burying her face in his shoulder.  "You're gone so much as it is."  Her head came up and their eyes met and locked.

            Garth brought his lips to meet hers for a kiss that was meant to be tender, but turned to fire at the contact. Finally, he tilted his head up and away from hers. "Happy birthday, sweetheart."  He held her out at arms' length to appraise her. "You look wonderful."

            "Thank you, m'lord. So do you," she replied, studying his outfit of dark green. "I thought you'd forgotten."

            "What? Your birthday?" He shook his head. "Come on, Ali, ever since we were kids, you've always reminded me of exactly when your birthday is. It's ingrained too deep for me to forget. Besides," he added with a grin, "you would've shot me if I had the nerve to forget."  He turned to the table and picked up the packages he brought with him. "Before we go out, I've got a little something for you."

            Garth steered her toward the sofa and they sat down together. With a courtly flourish, he handed her a small crystal box. Alianne took the box and held it in her hands. He smiled at her. "Aren't you going to open it?"

            Alianne's fingers lifted the hinged lid of the tiny box. As soon as the lid was raised fully, her eyes grew round as saucers. She removed its contents, holding it at eye level to look at it closely. The gold ring, with alternating amethysts and diamonds encircling the band, glittered in the soft lights of the room. She turned the ring round and round, studying it, not saying a word as she did so.

            "Well, do you like it?"

            "Oh, Garth, it's gorgeous," she breathed. "I don't know what to say."

            "That's a first," he laughed. "You -- speechless.  I never thought I'd live to see the day."

            Alianne ignored the teasing remark as she continued to look at the ring. Finally, she brought her gaze around to Garth's face. "It's terribly extravagant, though...don't you think?"

            "Not for you."  Garth took the ring from her. "May I do the honors, m'lady?" he asked, taking her right hand in his own and slipping the ring on her third finger. "How does it fit?"

            "Perfectly," she smiled. "How ever did you know what size to get?"

            "Well," he drawled, "I think a bit of thievery had something to do with _that_."  He then placed the other box in her hands and watched as she opened it. Her eyes widened a second time, filling with happy tears.

            "My emerald!" Alianne turned and gave Garth a searching look. " _You_ had this? You had this all along?"

            He nodded. "I wanted to surprise you and it was the only ring you have that I knew fit. It's the only one I've ever seen you wear. It was the only way to let the jeweler get the correct size without you finding out about it. Otherwise, it would have ruined the surprise."

            She slipped the ring back into it's familiar place on the third finger of her left hand. "I've been frantic about this ring."

            "I know you have. I know what it means to you...especially this time of year," Garth replied, averting his eyes. "I was hoping that when you found out _why_ it was missing, you wouldn't be too angry with me."

            Alianne looked down at the amethyst and diamond band. The stones were all perfectly matched and apparently, Garth had gone to great lengths to have the ring made for her. She smiled and tilted his chin up with her fingers. "Angry?" she asked, kissing him soundly. "No, I'm not angry. I love the ring and I'll always treasure it."

            "I'm glad. I know it's a birthday present and all, but I also wanted you to have it so you would know just how much I love you.  These past two months with you have been incredible."  Garth smiled warmly as he lifted the hand that wore the band. "Now you see," he explained, touching the stones, "I chose the amethysts because I hoped that when I'm away from home, you would look at them and..." he paused, looking into her eyes, "...think of me?"

            Alianne glanced at the ring, then at his eyes. The color matched almost perfectly. "Sentimentalist...I don't need a ring to think of you, you know. But now, I'll just have to think about you twice as often when you're gone."  She leaned into him for a lingering kiss. "I think it's the best birthday present I've ever received. Thank you."

            "You're welcome."

            They sat comfortably for several minutes. Suddenly, Alianne perked up and popped up from the sofa. "Well, I don't know about you, but I didn't get dressed up just to hang around the house! Come on, lazy one, you told me we were going out."

            "Why, so I did. I just happen to have concocted a number of treats and surprises for m'lady's birthday. And although I know m'lady hates surprises, m'lady will put up with them and let me offer them anyway. She will accept them with grace and dignity."

            Alianne held out her hand to Garth, which he accepted as he stood. "M'lady certainly understands, and she will be gracious about accepting whatever it is m'lord has to offer her."

            They left the house together, Garth swinging her hand lightly as they went. "Good. Because I have every intention to make this your best birthday ever."

 

***

 

            Later, after they had returned to the house, Alianne lifted her head from where it was nestled against Garth's shoulder, secure within the circle of his embrace. She glanced at a large bouquet of flowers that currently resided in a vase on her bedside table. The flowers had been just one element of what had turned out to be a delightful evening.

            Gently, she lowered her head, so as not to wake him. She snuggled close, wrapping her arm around his narrow waist. _The_ _best birthday ever?_ Her eyes came to rest on Garth's sleeping face.  _Yeah, I think it was.... There's just one thing missing..._

            "Garth?" she whispered, nudging him gently.

            He stirred. "What is it, beloved?"

            "Would you do me a favor?"

            He turned on his side. "Anything. What would you like?"

            "Would -- would you sing me "Baby's Birthingday"?

            Garth raised an eyebrow. "I can't sing to save my life, love."

            "I know," she replied, running her fingers along his bicep. "But I'd like to hear it. Do you mind singing it for me?"

            "If you can stand listening to me sing, the least I can do is fulfill m'lady's wish."  He positioned her a little more comfortably against him and began to softly croon:

           

            The gods swam wild on the day of your birth,

_For they knew they saw a child of mirth...._

 

            And it didn't matter that he wasn't quite on key. To Alianne, it was the most beautiful rendition of the song she thought she had ever heard. With Garth's voice gently enveloping her, she drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

 

******

 

**Chapter Two - Struggles of the Soul**

 

            Alianne hurried down the corridors of the Ministry of Science. She had a meeting with some of their researchers to discuss a project she had proposed that would involve both the Archives and the Ministry's research departments -- and she was late. She rounded a corner and plowed straight into Morrel, Tula's older brother. The impact sent them both back a few steps.

            "'Rel! I'm so sorry. I guess I wasn't looking where I was going."  Alianne gathered her workcase up from the floor where she had dropped it. She looked up into the biologist's bright blue eyes -- eyes that were so much like Tula's -- and found that looking at him no longer stabbed her heart.

            "It's all right," Morel ~~l~~ said absently. "What brings you here?"

            "Research proposal. I'm late as it is, so I've got to be on my way," Alianne replied. "But listen, you really should stop by to visit one night. It's been ages."

            The look that flashed across his face was like a brief bolt of anger. "I would think you wouldn't have the time."

            "Now just what do you mean by that?" Alianne demanded.

            "You know exactly what I mean."  Then Morrel's face darkened. "It's so easy for you, isn't it, Ali? All you had to do is wait around long enough and everything drifted into place for you."  He glared at her. "Tell me -- do you comfort all your grieving friends by _sleeping_ with them?"

            Anger blazed on her cheeks. "How dare you?" she spat.

            "How dare I?" he retorted. "Oh, come _on,_ Ali. Tula loved you ... and this is how you repay that friendship? By taking on her lover as her own? You're such a _true_ and _loyal_ friend --"

            Alianne's hand lashed out and slapped Morrel a solid blow to the cheek. "'Rel, I don't know what your problem is, but you hear this -- I don't need to justify anything I do -- not to my mother, not to the neighbors next door and most certainly _not_ to you. You tread where you have absolutely no business being."  She pushed past him. "I thought we were friends, 'Rel, but that doesn't give you the right to pry. Not into my life, nor into Garth's."

            "You defame her memory," Morrel replied.

            "I defame nothing," Alianne said. "It's been nearly two years, Morrel. Life goes on. Not a day goes by that I don't think of Tula and miss her. But life goes on. I've learned that and Garth finally learned that. I think it's time for you to learn it, too."  She continued on her way before Morrel had the chance to say anything more, angrier than she thought she'd ever been in her life.

            At the meeting, she managed to channel that anger into a vibrant, almost brash assertiveness that carried her presentation to heights even she hadn't expected. When she walked out of the meeting, the proposal had been accepted eagerly by the scientists and researchers.

            It took days for the undercurrent of anger to fade, and when it finally did, that's when Alianne began to think.

 

***

 

            "Look, I can't go."

            "Can't go?" Garth demanded. "Won't go, you mean."

            "I can't go."  Alianne glared at him. "Why can't you accept that?"

            "Because you've been talking about this damn concert for weeks -- how good it was going to be and how much you were looking forward to it and wasn't it a shame that all the seats had been sold before you had a chance to get tickets."  Garth waved two billet chits in front of her face. "I went to great lengths to get these -- for you! And now you tell me you _can't_ go?"

            "At the risk of repeating myself, Garth, I can't go. I have work to do. If you're so concerned about the tickets going to waste, maybe you should take someone else."

            "Damn it, Ali. I don't want to take someone else. I want to take you!"

            "Well, you can't."  Alianne rose from her chair and crossing to the front door, opened it and held it open. "I have work to do. I'll see you later."

            "But, Ali --" Garth sputtered.  What was her problem, anyway?

            She did not waver. "I said, I'll see you later."

            "Fine!" Garth spat. "You let me know when it's convenient for you to spare a little bit of your precious time for me."

            Alianne tried not to wince at the sarcasm in his voice. "I'll do just that.  If I have the time."

            After the door slid shut behind him, Garth angrily stuffed the tickets back into his pocket. _Damn women,_ he raged to himself as he swam back to his apartment. _Damn her. She's been like this for weeks._ _I_ _don't know what's going on with her, but she better_ _pull herself together -- and soon. Gods, sometimes I don't know why I bother..._

 _Who am I trying to kid? I bother because I love her and I'd_ d _o anything for her...except_ _I_ _don't know what's wrong and I don't know how to make it better._

            Once back in his own apartment, Garth took the tickets and jammed them down the disposal chute.

 

            Alianne pressed her palms against the door, willing herself not to give in to the urge to go after Garth, to tell him she was sorry. But she didn't. And after she was fairly certain that he had actually left, she retreated to her small study.

            Over the past few weeks, the anger she had felt towards Morrel had turned into hurt -- and hurt had quickly spun itself into doubt.

            She sat heavily in a chair and found herself thinking the thoughts that had bred her current behavior.  _What_ _if_ _Morrel's right? Maybe that's what everyone is thinking -- that all I was doing was waiting until Garth was available and then moving in and taking over. Did I take advantage of his vulnerability and loneliness? Maybe he's only here because I'm better than nothing. Maybe it's just for sex -- he's young, and_ _I_ _know there wasn't anyone else after Tula died, until me. That's a long time._

            No. That can't be all there is. Gods know I love him. And he loves me. I know that.  Or do I? How do I know for sure? And how do I know that I'm not using him in some way? Or that maybe, he's using me?

_Dear gods, what do I do? What do I do?_

 

******

 

**Chapter Three - Ghost in the Machine**

 

_I've had enough of this. We're gonna get to the bottom of this. One way or another..._

            Garth found her in the garden.  Wearing a close-fitting singlet that came to her knees, Alianne tore into the task of weeding the various levels of plants that grew there.  From the looks of things, she had finished the soil-based plants and was now working on one of the hydroponic tiers.

            He cleared his throat to get her attention. "Hi."

            She continued to pull at the weeds. "What do you want?" she asked, not turning away from the flowers.

            "To talk to you."

            "I told you yesterday that I don't want to talk."  Weed. Pull. Yank. "Damn weeds."

            "You may not want to talk, but I think you need to," Garth said, coming to stand behind her. "Would you at least give me the courtesy of telling me what I did?"

            Weed.  Yank.  Pull.  "You didn't do anything," Alianne replied, her voice as cold as the waters around them.

            Garth turned her around, forcing her to face him. "Then why are you treating me like I did?" Alianne looked at him and saw the raw hurt expression he wore.  "For weeks now, you've been...distant. I come to see you, you tell me you're busy. I want to be alone with you, and all of a sudden, you don't have the time."

            "I _do_ have a life, you know."

            "I know...and I thought I was a part of it.  Why are you doing this, Ali? Why are you shutting me out -- unless..." Garth ran a hand through his hair. "Oh, gods...that's _it,_ isn't it? You don't want to see me anymore and you just don't know how to tell me that it's over."  He abruptly released his hold on her and turned away. "Well, never let it be said that I can't take a hint --" _Gods, Ali. I trusted you. I thought you loved me._

            "Garth, wait!" Alianne cried. He stopped, but kept his back turned away from her. "That's not it at all!"

            Finally he turned and saw her, head bowed and clasping her hands tightly in front of her. "You don't want to break it off?" She shook her head. "Then why are you acting like this?"

            "I..." Alianne hesitated. "It's hard to explain. I'm not even sure if I can...but believe me, it's not because I don't love you anymore. I do, more than ever."  _And that's why this hurts so much._

"I love you, too.  You know that," Garth replied softly. "Why can't I help you with whatever's bothering you?"

            She raised her head then, her eyes wide, pleading. "Because you _can't,_ that's all. I need some time -- and space -- to sort everything out. Will you give me that? Can you understand that I just need to be by myself for a while?"  Reluctantly, Garth nodded. And for the first time that day, Alianne smiled.

            She reached out and took Garth's hand.  "Thank you.  I appreciate it. I want you to understand that this has to do with me -- it's not something that's wrong with _us_."

            He nodded again, trying to understand. She usually wasn't so moody -- or vague. "Will you let me know if you want to talk? Or just need a hug?"

            "Yeah, I will,"Alianne replied. "I could kind of use a hug right now, if you've got one to spare."

            Garth enfolded her in a gentle, reassuring embrace. "Just so happens that I've got one right here in my pocket -- oh, wait," he teased, "I don't have any pockets.  Well, you take this one. I've got extras."

            "You can be so silly," she smiled, gazing up at him.

            "I'd do handstands naked if I thought it would make you smile, beloved."  He kissed her brows, then her mouth. "I'll see you, then. When you're ready, you call me."

            "I will. I love you."

            "And I, you."

            Then, Alianne was again alone in the garden. She stared at the vivid colors which surrounded her. _I wish I had some answers for you, my love. But how can I give you answers when I'm afraid of the questions?_

 

            Wandering aimlessly through the house had become something of a habit lately. Feeling lost and sadden ~~d~~ ed, Alianne went into her bedroom and flopped down on the bed.  _How long has_ it _been since_ _I -_ _\- since we -- made love? What am_ _I_ _doing to us?_ She glanced over at the framed photograph of her father that sat on the bedside table.

_Oh, Papa.  I really need to talk to you. You'd be able to help me sort this mess out.  I wish you were here so you could tell me what to do.  I just can't talk to Mother about this -- she's not screaming about Garth and me being together anymore, but I know she's not pleased about it, either. I think she'd be happy if we broke up.  But you'd understand.  You'd help me._

            Without forethought, her hands reached for the table's upper drawer. Opening it, she withdrew a picture. It was a picture of her and Tula, taken about six months before the Crisis, before...

            Alianne stared at their younger, smiling faces.  _And_ you... _Gods, how you must hate me. I know what you shared, how you loved him so. We'd sit and talk for hours about what the future was going to be like -- you and Garth, Loren and me. But it didn't work out the way we thought it would, did it? You must really really hate me for invading your territory -- for stealing Garth away from you --_

            "Oh, don't be so stupid."

            Alianne spun at the sound of the voice, her mouth dropping open. " _Tula_?"she choked.  "But -- but -- you're --"

            "Dead?" Tula stood there, and her body seemed to shimmer slightly. "Yeah, that's true.  I'm dead, and you're stupid."

            Alianne laughed in spite of herself. This was the Tula she knew and remembered -- straightforward and bold.  "What are you?  A spirit or something? How can this be?" she asked as she went to embrace her friend.

            Tula held up her hand, stopping Alianne from moving forward. "No, don't," she said. "I'm not sure how all this works, but I do know that if you touch me, it'll ruin it."  She sat on the bed. "C'mon, we need to talk."

            Alianne sat next to her, careful not to sit too close for fear of touching her. "Why are you here?"

            "Because I heard you, for one thing, and because you're about to ruin something wonderful because of me, and I couldn't let that happen, you dimbrain."  Tula shook her head, smiling. "You're so stupid, Ali. You worry too much about what Morrel thinks...and about what I _might_ be thinking. Well, don't.

            "'Rel's my brother and I love him and miss him more than you may know, but he doesn't speak for me.  And as for me," Tula's eyes were warm as she studied her friend, "I'm glad it's you."

            "You are?"

            "'Course I am. Ali, don't you see? You've always loved Garth -- not like romance, or anything.  I've always known that. You guys had a very special friendship. You still do, but it's more than that now. Do you honestly think that I expected him -- or you -- to grieve for me forever? I'd think you'd have better things to do with your time. Gods, you two deserve each other, the way you get locked into an idea and let it eat you alive. _I'm_ the one who died -- not Garth, and certainly not you. Up until now, you were managing okay about it. But Garth was a different story. I used to try to tell him that he had to let me go, but he wouldn't listen. It took me over a year to get through to him so he could go on and let his grief go. Y'know, if I'd been more corporeal, I would've slugged him for his damn stubbornness."

            Alianne nodded. "He told me he had a dream like that."

            "It was no dream. I was able to come to him, just like I'm here with you now, and convinced him to say good bye to me."

            "Oh, gods,"Alianne breathed.  "Tula, he thinks that was just a dream."

            "And don't you dare tell him otherwise," Tula replied. "He'll think you've gone crazy."  She paused for a moment and folded her arms across her chest. "'Sides, that's not why I'm here. I came to tell you that I think it's okay. About you and Garth, I mean."

            Alianne blinked in surprise. "You do? I thought you'd --"

            "I know. And I don't think that at all. Ali, listen. You know I loved Garth with all my heart. But I'm _gone,_ you understand? And now, he has you. He'll never forget what we shared, but he loves you now, and that's great."  Tula's blue eyes softened. "You're my best friend, you idiot. There's no one else who I can trust to love him and take care of him the way I would've.  You didn't 'steal' him from me -- how _could_ you?"  She laughed. "'Sides, you'll treat him right.  He needs that.  And I know he's happy with you. What more could I have possibly hoped for?"

            Tears filled Alianne's green eyes. "You're amazing, you know that?"

            Tula flashed a bright smile. "Yeah.  I know."

            Alianne laughed, pushing her tears aside. "I do miss you," she said simply.

            "And I miss you. But please, don't let me stand in the way of your happiness. It'd kill me, y'know?" And Tula laughed at her own joke.

            "Hey, Tula. You wanna see what Garth gave me for my birthday?" Alianne rose and went to her dresser, turning her back on her friend. "I already took it off for the night," she commented, taking the amethyst and diamond ring from its box. "It's gorgeous --"

            She turned. "Tula?"

            Tula was gone. "Where'd you go? Tula!"

            Alianne sat back on the bed, ring in her hand. "That was the damnedest thing."  Her gaze returned to the photograph.

_Were you really here? Stranger things have happened. And we do have magics in our history...why not?_

            And she found that the doubt and fears had lifted from her soul.

            Alianne looked at her ring. Slipping it back on her finger, she smiled as she went into the living room and hit a pre-programmed touch pad.

            Moments later, Garth's face appeared on the screen. "Ali. Hi."  On his end, he saw her bright smile. "Are you okay?"  _Tell me you're all right._

            "Yeah. You wanna come over?" _I_ _really need you, no matter what anyone says..._

            "It's late!" _Just say the word and I'll be there yesterday._

            Alianne's smile grew. "I know. Why don't you hurry your cute self over here anyway? I can think of some interesting ways to pass the time."  _I_ _love_ _you._

            Garth returned the smile. "Oh, yeah? I bet you can. I'll be right there. Don't you go away now."  _How I've missed you,_ _beloved._

            "Oh, don't worry about that," she replied, her eyes shimmering with love. "I'm not going anywhere."

            I'm gonna stay right here and let you love me...and maybe, just maybe, there's the possibility of forevers. That sounds...good to me.

_I wonder how it sounds to you?_

 

 

The End

 

 

A Savage Squirrel Production for TitanTalk 54


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